On a more serious note..

Standing on the shoulders of giants

2010-12-21T11:03:00.006-05:00

The past three months have been incredible. how else to describe the responsibility of caring for not one but two little girls? Nothing short of amazing. I can only say this because of the wonderful dynamic of caring for little people with a woman you love.

Parenting. Does it require more thought or action? I think about future parenting daily, mostly because there isn't a whole lot of mental work in the parenting I do now. that will slowly change, and I will be ready. My responsibilities will grow and grow until one day, I will be a parenting giant.

Perhaps a bold claim, but it comes down to this: someday, my girls will have the choice of being a parent. And until then, I will do everything within my power to position them to be a better parent than I was. It is my hope that they take every good thing we teach them, and improve it.

This broken world has created an environment where so many (would-be) parents do not have a solid footing with which to step into parenthood. Much brokenness is perpetuated down from one generation to the next, leaving grown children with too many questions and a corrupted view of what parenting really is.

I was fortunate enough to have parents who cared deeply about me. They did their best to teach and train their kids as they saw proper. And it is my job to take that good and pass it on to my daughters.

Piecing together the childhood that my parents had, mine was decidedly an improvement. And I will only succeed if my girls grow up with an even better one. Because the foundation they start with will play the biggest role in the impact they have throughout their life. What better legacy to leave than people who care for their fellow man and purposefully choose to make this world a better place?

Someday, my children will have the choice of standing on my shoulders, reaching an even higher potential than I ever will. Just as I am standing on the shoulders of two giants who invested so much time and effort, ingraining within me a blueprint of excellence. This all but assured me a steady platform with which to swan-dive into parenting. I may be jumping off the deep end, but I have been given a platform with which to look graceful and self-confident.

The infuriating side of Christianity

2010-04-01T12:37:00.007-04:00

Every so often one will stumble upon an article that grabs a hold of you and doesn't let go, even days or weeks after reading.

Never before have I read an article that so profoundly shows a very dark side of Christianity.

I can immediately relate to almost every church-related instance he mentions. In many ways, this is the church environment I grew up in.

What Christian can't relate to this:

I'd stopped masturbating for weeks at a time, trying to keep any thoughts of women out of my mind entirely, as we were taught over and again by pastors that even thinking about sex was as bad as actually having it. And masturbating? It might be okay, I once heard a pastor opine, if one could do without thinking any sexual thoughts. But we were told: why take the risk?

Instead, I would hold out for as long as I could until, usually in the shower, I'd be unable to stop myself. Before the orgasm had even left my body, I would begin to pray: I'm sorry Jesus. I'm so sorry. This is the last time. Never again.

Yes, that was me as well. Many times over. But that is a minor point, as my parents did an excellent job (sometimes too well) of shielding their children from the hideous, sickening, ugly side of Christianity. It isn't the religion itself, but the people who give themselves over to perverse and deceptive lifestyles, while still maintaining a Christian facade to anyone they can deceive.

I don't know Joel, nor do I tear up with clenched fists easily, but I have utter respect for the man. And I pray that he may one day see past the lies and deception he was dealt, and experience the passionate pursuit of Christ.

The Tyranny of Abundance

2009-10-28T12:31:00.006-04:00

Near the end of Free (iTunes link), the author mentions something very similar to an article recently posted over on AoM: we can become trapped in a world of abundance. It seems paradoxical. Human existence strives to rid the world of scarcity. After all, an unlimited supply of clean water would instantly raise the standard of living for millions. Same with food. But these deal with atoms, or the physical world. Modern living has created a whole other digital world, a world of bits, where abundance flows freely.

But is abundance really a good thing? Speaking from experience, I relate very well to the previously-mentioned AoM article. Since moving to the city and starting this wonderful new life on my own, I quickly ran into this issue, that I did not realize or admit was an issue until now.

In my desire to be as frugal and financially responsible as possible, I started looking for other people with the same ideas in mind. This quickly led me to The Simple Dollar. From there, I came across Wise Bread, The Crafty Dollar, Saving For Serenity, Frugal Dad, and numerous others in just my brief searching. All these sites link to each other, as well as bargain-hunting sites - places that aggregate the latest coupons/discounts/deals from amazon to zales.

Therein lies the tyranny: I was on a restless pursuit of another finance blog, another coupon site, in the hope of finding more relevant, more helpful information. It is common courtesy in the blogosphere to link to like-minded sites. Cross-promotion. This quickly led me down a rabbit trail of links, leading from one great site to the next. With the abundance of information - free, no less; it cost me nothing but time (aha) - I was quickly drowning myself in information. Invest here...open an online bank account here...20 ways to save big at the grocery store...10 ways to save at the farmers market...The 5 most efficient ways to keep a clutter free life...and on and on it went. In this internet age, anyone can post their ideas for anyone else to see, readily a google search away. It's helpful, no doubt, but it's unending.

Which made me finally come to the realization: do I really want to be spending my time trying to find marginally cheaper groceries? Is saving $2 on that box of Stridex worth it? Initially it is, until you apply that to every area of your life. My life was being consumed with trying to make it marginally more efficient. I have yet to open a 'high-yield' online savings account, as hundreds of bloggers have yet to settle on which one has the best customer service and ease of use.

Time really is money, as Mr. Anderson alludes to in his book. It is the last final currency with no inflation or, in this case, deflation. We cannot take away nor add hours to the day. Living a frugal life takes time, with the tradeoff being monthly (or yearly) savings of X amount. For a lot of people this is worth it (as I quickly found out). I still am trying to find the balance, how much I am willing to pay with my time for a little monetary exchange.

With this over abundance of information and advice comes the mindset that something more helpful or more affordable is just a link away. And because all of it is free, it looks like we are getting a good deal, when in fact we pay with hours of our time.

The Art of (self) Motivation

2009-10-07T18:42:00.004-04:00

Pain - we don't look forward to it, and thankfully we can't remember it. We remember the effects of it, but our brains have a way of forgetting the actual pain. Thus was a discovery as I was running across the Ben Franklin bridge.

Why did I so intently look forward to this run every afternoon? I would predictably be out of breath by the first bridge 'post' (about 1/4 the way), my calves would start aching soon after, and the right side of my stomach would cramp up on my way back. A painful stabbing in my right gut making me cringe the whole way home.

How can this be a daily highlight? Our brains have a much easier time remembering the feeling of something pleasant. Over time we might forget the cause, but our bodies easily remember the sensations.

It's 3:25, I'm packing up to leave the office, and the only thing running through my head is running over the bridge in the early afternoon, still able to feel the sun on my skin, gusty wind whisking the sweat off my body...reaching the midpoint of the bridge, resting my elbows on the railing, catching my breath watching ships of every size below...but really, I'm a sucker for high wind. There is a consistent strong wind blowing over that bridge, and I can't wait to get out there and feel it. Cramps and all.

Something similar I realized with this sit-up routine I am trying out. To keep myself motivated, I kick iTunes off with some "high energy" songs during the workout - the same passion and energy that a band might put into performing said song on stage, I put into my sit-ups - and it works wonderfully! I now look forward to this sit-up routine.

Anyone can motivate themselves to push through something for a time, but in the end, that motivation fades. We seek out that which gives us pleasure, subconsciously steering our actions away from that which doesn't.

Associate something stimulating and gratifying with an unpleasant activity, and it will become a habit.

The Case For Kids

2009-10-01T07:39:00.002-04:00

Something posted recently on The Simple Dollar, and definitely worth a read:

If you believe strongly in a cause to the point of taking action to push your cause forward, the best thing you can possibly do is have children, raise them to think and be independent, and get them involved in the cause, too.

Many people who are driven to success in life or push themselves toward a cause eschew the idea of having children – they don’t have time, or they’ve convinced themselves it’s a moral wrong. Instead, people who are not driven and not committed to a cause tend to have more children – they do have time and they haven’t convinced themselves it’s a moral wrong.

Thus, the next generation has a higher proportion of people who aren’t driven towards causes, towards self-improvement, or towards improving the world.

If smart and driven people want to make the world a better place, they should consider having children, who will often also be smart and driven. The more smart and driven people there are in the world, the better off the world will be.

If you’re smart and driven and have chosen to not have children, you’re much like a candle in the wind that’s not lighting any other ones.

32 Days

2009-09-22T20:51:00.003-04:00

She's been gone for 17 of them, and somehow the relationship keeps getting better! Distance does make the heart grow fonder but this is also the nitty gritty - she is the most wonderful person to interact with day-to-day. The best part is, it's been that way for two years! Looking back though - ha - if only my 'back then' self could look ahead to now, to see what 'wonderful' is really all about.

That of course leaves me with saying the same thing two years from now, and I can only imagine what I will be saying and feeling then.

As my favorite country singer says so well,

We've come so far since that day, and I thought I loved you then

Yes Jennifer, we have come so far. It has been an inspiring, challenging, beautiful trip. I love learning with you, about you, and because of you.

By some accounts we are only one month in, but hey, you got to start somewhere.

Jennifer you fill my life with joy, passion, mystery, intrigue, and laughter and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Stretching my arms across the continents and miles, just to feel you reaching back...I miss you dear lady.

May our lives both individually and together reflect the glory of Christ in every area of life.

Fundamental Contradiction Between Sex and Love?

2009-09-22T10:05:00.001-04:00

What I don't understand about sex is the fundamental contradiction it poses to love. While love deepens with time and shared experience, sex is stifled by relationship and routine. It seems to thrive most through novelty rather than intimacy, through new flesh rather than old love. Sex is the quintessential expression of love. We even call it lovemaking. So, why are so many couples who are so deeply in love with each other, after so many years of being together, utterly sexless? Why must couples choose between being lovers and being best friends, between being passionate and being intimate? King Solomon proclaims in his famous Song that there is a love like fire and a love like water, and it seems that one cancels the other out. The fiery love of sex and erotic passion becomes more and more muted through the more watery love of marital routine, familial patterns, and an increasing number of anniversaries celebrated. Why can't sex and love go absolutely hand in hand, as they should?

-Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Family

2009-06-15T21:40:00.002-04:00

Some interesting thoughts on family by Patricia Volk....

Family is what we first know of the world. Family is the world, your very own living microcosm of humanity, with its heros and victims and martyrs and failures, beauties and gamblers, hawks and lovers, cowards and fakes, dreamers and steamrollers, and the people who quietly get the job done. Every behavior in the world is there to watch at the dinner table. You study them. You learn. You see how they change and how they stay the same. But if you think you can really know them, you're missing the point. The point isn't how well you know somebody.

The point is this: In a family you don't come from nowhere. You enter the world already a part of something. The myths and behaviors are all there to model yourself on or against. It's through family you learn there are no limits on ideas. Knowing so much about them, how open-hearted can you bear to be? You were born with the chance to love them. You might as well. They're yours.

The day my iPhone fell out of favor

2009-06-01T12:38:00.003-04:00

I have always favored my iPhone. It was far and away my favorite device (not that I have many to compare it to), mostly due to the funcionality it brought me. Not to mention its design - iPhones just look great. But it is also far and away my most expensive gadget: the privilege of having the internet anywhere I want is costing me $30/month. This was a cost I gladly paid, as I travelled around quite a bit. For me, it was completely worth it.

That all took a turn the day I started my job here at Urban. All of a sudden, my life had a lot more routine, and I realized I wasn't travelling around quite as much. And all of a sudden, paying that extra $30/month seemed like an outrageous price for a functionality I would rarely use. It didn't help knowing that internet to my apartment could be had for $10 less (and 8x faster).

Now whenever I see my phone laying there, I see a device that is charging me ridiculous amounts for an ability I will hardly be using anymore.

Missing her

2009-05-04T23:13:00.000-04:00

I don't know what sparks it, but there are times I simply crave her presence. There are times I desire her and the atmosphere she brings, simply for who she is. Sometimes it's her voice. Sometimes it's the quiet. Sometimes it's the laughter. Sometimes it's the encouragement. Sometimes it's just experiencing life with her. But every time it is something unique that she brings. Every time I see her, she leaves me with something new to miss when she is gone.

Dancing on Independence Mall

2009-04-29T17:30:00.005-04:00

4pm, 600 people converge near a stadium in Camden. They are all here with one purpose in mind: bring a lot of attention to what Joseph Kony and the LRA are doing over in northern Uganda.

Broken into groups of 12, everyone starts heading towards the Ben Franklin bridge in one long, segmented line. The weather is perfect! Crossing the Ben Franklin bridge was breathtaking...several hundred feet above roadways, apartment buildings, and then the river, with a killer breeze to top it off. Something is so inspiring just being near something so grand, let alone getting to walk across it!

6pm, everyone is on Independence Mall...with the intent to stay here until someone 'of significance' comes and and makes a promise to help end the child abductions in the northern Uganda/Congo region. How long will it take? Well no one knows, but that was the idea.

Evening fell, the city lights started to glow, and the few stars strong enough to make it through started to glimmer in the cloudless sky. People started to finally settle down, stretched out across the Mall. And just when it felt like it couldn't get any better on such a beautiful night, they start playing In the Name of Love over the speakers! This immediately gets everyone up and dancing around! What an incredible sight. This was repeated every couple hours until...

Around 3am the song was played one last time, with everyone falling asleep almost immediately after.

6am, the sun is barely up, and they have an announcement to make: NBC news is coming! Well if that wasn't exciting enough, ABC and CBS showed up not long after.

The morning wears on, with no good news to report. Someone of social influence is still needed to come and make a statement on behalf of the child soldiers. The afternoon sun starts to beat down on everyone, and it comes to that point where it feels like there is no end in sight. So just get up and leave. Well a lot of people did, and by 3pm the crowd had dwindled to 50 or so.

That's when something sobering happened: a young lady walks by, and after noticing what everyone is doing on the Mall, she starts to choke up. Indeed, she is from Uganda, her younger cousin killed not too long ago by the LRA.

Not long after, Eugene starts walking over to the platform...could this be it? He calls everyone in, and announces that, Patrick Murphy is said to show up in a little under 4 hours. (!!) Time to play that song again!

28 hours after arriving, everyone heads to their blankets and sleeping bags sprawled out over the grass. But before doing so, Eugene announces,

"Hey guys, I have an idea. To celebrate......lets play that song...one more time." Yes!

Singing in the Stairwell

2009-04-24T17:56:00.004-04:00

By far, the most beautiful sound I have heard, happened a few weeks ago as I was up in the North Country visiting the woman I am pursuing.

The origins are fuzzy but we were driving back to her house when she asked me to take a detour to Clarkson's campus. we pull around to the far side of a building that anyone hardly uses. We are fortunate enough to meet someone walking out of the door as we are going in (these doors are locked from the outside).

Once inside, she takes me to the stairwell. The campus only has one as far as I know, one that echos and reverberates as well as this one. We walk up a level or two and stop at a corner where the stairs take a 90º turn. We are standing there, facing each other. I'm not sure what I had on my face but she was looking at me with this look that said 'you think you know why you're here but I want to show you something beyond your expectations'.

Before I knew it, "Fingerprints of God" was being sung in the most beautiful voice, echoing in the most beautiful way, sounding so full and rich. Without any shame or fear showing, she sang...and I was left completely speechless. Multitudes of people could have gone up and down those stairs in those few minutes and I saw not even one of them!

Even now, I can hear it being sung as if she were next to me.

Katie Ellen

2009-04-24T17:40:00.003-04:00

I am humbled. After encouraging my parents to give my siblings the opportunity to participate in the water fast, I learn that Katie ordered water every time the family went out to eat (knowing them, often!) - for 7 weeks. Not only did she out last me, I must confess I did not adhere strictly to the rules (justifying it by saying I wasn't going to be legalistic about it).

It isn't about who can go the longest with just water, but it's the heart. And Katie's heart shows she is serious about helping those who are much less fortunate.

You have taught me something important, Katie. I desire to have a heart like that.

May your life continue to shine 1 Timothy 4:12.

Finally

2009-03-11T01:15:00.002-04:00

15:20 and the cell rings. A 215 number - could it be? But why isn't the number recognized? Perhaps it's another company from the Philadelphia area calling me...maybe I should just answer the thing? Yes, it was Urban Engineers and yes, they were calling to give me a job offer! After about 9 months, it seems very unbelievable and very relieving, all at once. Not only did I land a job, I landed a job at a company I would highly prefer given the choice (which, I really don't have).

Ah. A job. Construction Management, which I think I will end up liking, very much. And if not, there is a good chance I'll be able to pursue bridge design in the near future within the company. Had this position never been offered, I would have never looked into it. Which may turn out to be the biggest blessing yet, as this position has a lot of field work and I am not one for hours of desk work, given the choice.

On a high right now. I am so blessed, fortunate.

Thoughts for the future

2009-02-28T21:27:00.006-05:00

I had the wonderful privilege of taking Katie to her basketball game today. She truly likes playing, and it was encouraging to see her attitude throughout it all, despite what looks like a lack of support for her efforts. I'm pointing the finger mostly at myself, as I know I could've done a better job of being that older brother who she looks when she needs that boost of confidence.

But several thoughts occurred to me today.

1) when driving with the (my) kids, tell them stories instead of passing off the entertainment to the headphones or dvd player.

2) I will not sign my kids up for sports that do not challenge them.

3) I desire to actively involve myself in my child's sport skill development.

These are very preliminary, with much more behind them than I am writing here.

Now...to live it out. Anyone can write something down...I guess I have a little time to solidify these thoughts. Emphasis on little?

Gave Up

2009-02-27T23:27:00.003-05:00

It all started back in...March? Just about a year ago. I don't what happened but Google Pages has denied me access to my own pages. Well just one page in particular but details aside, my good friend Corey suggested I move to something more 'automated' - I immediately pushed that idea aside as I currently avoid all things 'automated'. 'Auto bill pay' for example. Automatically syncing playlists in iTunes. I am even running a program on this wonderful PowerBook that intercepts every unwanted outgoing connection attempt, letting me pick which ones to allow.

That to say, I've been keeping my distance from these types of sites...because only girls read them, much less post on them, right? Well I already have a very steady girlfriend, the lovely Jennifer Louise, so I'm not sure about the idea of having a hoard of girls keeping tabs on me. Before my head gets too big on the assumption that girls - anyone, would decide to follow me here (can you even follow on blogger? Or have I been too influenced by Twitter?), let me just say...I do have glorious revelations, and I strongly believe I would be doing the world a great disservice to deprive them of such.

*crickets*

Alright...honestly...I'm pretty much just doing this for you Jennifer. Anyone else who comes across this, I hope I have something you might find interesting as well. I promise not to be too sappy, for now!

Google pages behind me, Blogger in front of me....by the time my 5th or 6th kid comes around, I'll be surprised if the car I drive them around in isn't painted red blue green and yellow.