Standing on the shoulders of giants

The past three months have been incredible. how else to describe the responsibility of caring for not one but two little girls? Nothing short of amazing. I can only say this because of the wonderful dynamic of caring for little people with a woman you love.

Parenting. Does it require more thought or action? I think about future parenting daily, mostly because there isn't a whole lot of mental work in the parenting I do now. that will slowly change, and I will be ready. My responsibilities will grow and grow until one day, I will be a parenting giant.

Perhaps a bold claim, but it comes down to this: someday, my girls will have the choice of being a parent. And until then, I will do everything within my power to position them to be a better parent than I was. It is my hope that they take every good thing we teach them, and improve it.

This broken world has created an environment where so many (would-be) parents do not have a solid footing with which to step into parenthood. Much brokenness is perpetuated down from one generation to the next, leaving grown children with too many questions and a corrupted view of what parenting really is.

I was fortunate enough to have parents who cared deeply about me. They did their best to teach and train their kids as they saw proper. And it is my job to take that good and pass it on to my daughters.

Piecing together the childhood that my parents had, mine was decidedly an improvement. And I will only succeed if my girls grow up with an even better one. Because the foundation they start with will play the biggest role in the impact they have throughout their life. What better legacy to leave than people who care for their fellow man and purposefully choose to make this world a better place?

Someday, my children will have the choice of standing on my shoulders, reaching an even higher potential than I ever will. Just as I am standing on the shoulders of two giants who invested so much time and effort, ingraining within me a blueprint of excellence. This all but assured me a steady platform with which to swan-dive into parenting. I may be jumping off the deep end, but I have been given a platform with which to look graceful and self-confident.

The infuriating side of Christianity

Every so often one will stumble upon an article that grabs a hold of you and doesn't let go, even days or weeks after reading.

Never before have I read an article that so profoundly shows a very dark side of Christianity.

I can immediately relate to almost every church-related instance he mentions. In many ways, this is the church environment I grew up in.

What Christian can't relate to this:

I'd stopped masturbating for weeks at a time, trying to keep any thoughts of women out of my mind entirely, as we were taught over and again by pastors that even thinking about sex was as bad as actually having it. And masturbating? It might be okay, I once heard a pastor opine, if one could do without thinking any sexual thoughts. But we were told: why take the risk?

Instead, I would hold out for as long as I could until, usually in the shower, I'd be unable to stop myself. Before the orgasm had even left my body, I would begin to pray: I'm sorry Jesus. I'm so sorry. This is the last time. Never again.

Yes, that was me as well. Many times over. But that is a minor point, as my parents did an excellent job (sometimes too well) of shielding their children from the hideous, sickening, ugly side of Christianity. It isn't the religion itself, but the people who give themselves over to perverse and deceptive lifestyles, while still maintaining a Christian facade to anyone they can deceive.

I don't know Joel, nor do I tear up with clenched fists easily, but I have utter respect for the man. And I pray that he may one day see past the lies and deception he was dealt, and experience the passionate pursuit of Christ.

The Tyranny of Abundance

Near the end of Free (iTunes link), the author mentions something very similar to an article recently posted over on AoM: we can become trapped in a world of abundance. It seems paradoxical. Human existence strives to rid the world of scarcity. After all, an unlimited supply of clean water would instantly raise the standard of living for millions. Same with food. But these deal with atoms, or the physical world. Modern living has created a whole other digital world, a world of bits, where abundance flows freely.

But is abundance really a good thing? Speaking from experience, I relate very well to the previously-mentioned AoM article. Since moving to the city and starting this wonderful new life on my own, I quickly ran into this issue, that I did not realize or admit was an issue until now.

In my desire to be as frugal and financially responsible as possible, I started looking for other people with the same ideas in mind. This quickly led me to The Simple Dollar. From there, I came across Wise Bread, The Crafty Dollar, Saving For Serenity, Frugal Dad, and numerous others in just my brief searching. All these sites link to each other, as well as bargain-hunting sites - places that aggregate the latest coupons/discounts/deals from amazon to zales.

Therein lies the tyranny: I was on a restless pursuit of another finance blog, another coupon site, in the hope of finding more relevant, more helpful information. It is common courtesy in the blogosphere to link to like-minded sites. Cross-promotion. This quickly led me down a rabbit trail of links, leading from one great site to the next. With the abundance of information - free, no less; it cost me nothing but time (aha) - I was quickly drowning myself in information. Invest here...open an online bank account here...20 ways to save big at the grocery store...10 ways to save at the farmers market...The 5 most efficient ways to keep a clutter free life...and on and on it went. In this internet age, anyone can post their ideas for anyone else to see, readily a google search away. It's helpful, no doubt, but it's unending.

Which made me finally come to the realization: do I really want to be spending my time trying to find marginally cheaper groceries? Is saving $2 on that box of Stridex worth it? Initially it is, until you apply that to every area of your life. My life was being consumed with trying to make it marginally more efficient. I have yet to open a 'high-yield' online savings account, as hundreds of bloggers have yet to settle on which one has the best customer service and ease of use.

Time really is money, as Mr. Anderson alludes to in his book. It is the last final currency with no inflation or, in this case, deflation. We cannot take away nor add hours to the day. Living a frugal life takes time, with the tradeoff being monthly (or yearly) savings of X amount. For a lot of people this is worth it (as I quickly found out). I still am trying to find the balance, how much I am willing to pay with my time for a little monetary exchange.

With this over abundance of information and advice comes the mindset that something more helpful or more affordable is just a link away. And because all of it is free, it looks like we are getting a good deal, when in fact we pay with hours of our time.

The Art of (self) Motivation

Pain - we don't look forward to it, and thankfully we can't remember it. We remember the effects of it, but our brains have a way of forgetting the actual pain. Thus was a discovery as I was running across the Ben Franklin bridge.

Why did I so intently look forward to this run every afternoon? I would predictably be out of breath by the first bridge 'post' (about 1/4 the way), my calves would start aching soon after, and the right side of my stomach would cramp up on my way back. A painful stabbing in my right gut making me cringe the whole way home.

How can this be a daily highlight? Our brains have a much easier time remembering the feeling of something pleasant. Over time we might forget the cause, but our bodies easily remember the sensations.

It's 3:25, I'm packing up to leave the office, and the only thing running through my head is running over the bridge in the early afternoon, still able to feel the sun on my skin, gusty wind whisking the sweat off my body...reaching the midpoint of the bridge, resting my elbows on the railing, catching my breath watching ships of every size below...but really, I'm a sucker for high wind. There is a consistent strong wind blowing over that bridge, and I can't wait to get out there and feel it. Cramps and all.

Something similar I realized with this sit-up routine I am trying out. To keep myself motivated, I kick iTunes off with some "high energy" songs during the workout - the same passion and energy that a band might put into performing said song on stage, I put into my sit-ups - and it works wonderfully! I now look forward to this sit-up routine.

Anyone can motivate themselves to push through something for a time, but in the end, that motivation fades. We seek out that which gives us pleasure, subconsciously steering our actions away from that which doesn't.

Associate something stimulating and gratifying with an unpleasant activity, and it will become a habit.

The Case For Kids

Something posted recently on The Simple Dollar, and definitely worth a read:

If you believe strongly in a cause to the point of taking action to push your cause forward, the best thing you can possibly do is have children, raise them to think and be independent, and get them involved in the cause, too.

Many people who are driven to success in life or push themselves toward a cause eschew the idea of having children – they don’t have time, or they’ve convinced themselves it’s a moral wrong. Instead, people who are not driven and not committed to a cause tend to have more children – they do have time and they haven’t convinced themselves it’s a moral wrong.

Thus, the next generation has a higher proportion of people who aren’t driven towards causes, towards self-improvement, or towards improving the world.

If smart and driven people want to make the world a better place, they should consider having children, who will often also be smart and driven. The more smart and driven people there are in the world, the better off the world will be.

If you’re smart and driven and have chosen to not have children, you’re much like a candle in the wind that’s not lighting any other ones.

32 Days

She's been gone for 17 of them, and somehow the relationship keeps getting better! Distance does make the heart grow fonder but this is also the nitty gritty - she is the most wonderful person to interact with day-to-day. The best part is, it's been that way for two years! Looking back though - ha - if only my 'back then' self could look ahead to now, to see what 'wonderful' is really all about.

That of course leaves me with saying the same thing two years from now, and I can only imagine what I will be saying and feeling then.

As my favorite country singer says so well,

We've come so far since that day, and I thought I loved you then

Yes Jennifer, we have come so far. It has been an inspiring, challenging, beautiful trip. I love learning with you, about you, and because of you.

By some accounts we are only one month in, but hey, you got to start somewhere.

Jennifer you fill my life with joy, passion, mystery, intrigue, and laughter and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Stretching my arms across the continents and miles, just to feel you reaching back...I miss you dear lady.

May our lives both individually and together reflect the glory of Christ in every area of life.

Fundamental Contradiction Between Sex and Love?

What I don't understand about sex is the fundamental contradiction it poses to love. While love deepens with time and shared experience, sex is stifled by relationship and routine. It seems to thrive most through novelty rather than intimacy, through new flesh rather than old love. Sex is the quintessential expression of love. We even call it lovemaking. So, why are so many couples who are so deeply in love with each other, after so many years of being together, utterly sexless? Why must couples choose between being lovers and being best friends, between being passionate and being intimate? King Solomon proclaims in his famous Song that there is a love like fire and a love like water, and it seems that one cancels the other out. The fiery love of sex and erotic passion becomes more and more muted through the more watery love of marital routine, familial patterns, and an increasing number of anniversaries celebrated. Why can't sex and love go absolutely hand in hand, as they should?

-Rabbi Shmuley Boteach